Never Give Up To The Seven Years Itch…!

From our birth onwards we simply desire contentment. We want happiness and a happy life. This is especially true when we get married and enter into a new relationship. We are human beings and the human species on this planet earth wish to have a joie de vivre and we make every effort to attain it. I don’t know about extraterrestrials, perhaps they may be visiting planet earth in their flying saucers just to find the thing called happiness. (We must ask Steven Spielberg about it….!)

After marriage both the partners are in the pursuit of happiness. There is a supreme dedication for one another as a thorn may prick at the soul of a husband and tears appear in the eyes of his wife. Every kind of happiness and every kind of suffering is related to the mind and body. The impact is both mental and physical. Between the body and mind, it is our mind which is primarily related to the sentiment of happiness. The body is secondary. If the body is content we even ignore its existence.

Sexual activity is a physical one and thus the body is content in the initial stage of marriage. The touch, the friction of skin, the sexual attraction for each other’s erogenous zonesand the building of fire and subsequent lustful crescendo, ending into a lethargic ambiance of relaxation and blissed out state of existence overtakes the honeycombs of the inner core. However the mind is fluid, and when the mind overtakes the body the turmoil begins. The mind of a woman is differently wired as emotion overtakes practicality. It registers every detail, however small it is. Then the result is joy if the detail is cheerful, or agony if the detail is painful.

During the first few years of marriage everything seems rosy and heavenly but once the novelty wanes out the difference of opinions between two partners crop up. The activities are loved by both people at the beginning become abhorred at a later stage. As the saying goes, it is the seven years itch.

How To Deal With The Seven Year Itch

The question then arises as to how to deal with such a situation. The research has shown that if you happen to be charitable, philanthropic and bountiful than you emanate that quality of happiness. When I say be charitable, you don’t have to shell out money to be charitable. As the saying goes, charity begins at home. You have a heart. Open it up. Bestow your love. Be compassionate towards others. When we understand that everyone in this world encounters suffering in one or the other way, our own problems become realistic and the obstacles don’t look unattainable. What is required is few soothing words instead of clashes of the ego. With a few sweet words from the bottom of the heart and a broken heart starts healing itself.

Unhappy long term relationship
Image: Dating Problems

The Importance Of Interdependence

However capable an individual may be, if he or she is left alone he or she is sure to diminish. A support system is a fundamental requirement of human beings and it is a vital part between two adults who are wedded to each other. It is interdependence. The whole of the universe is an example of how it has come to evolve to its present form is because of interdependence. From the planet to the space, oceans, mountains, forests, the flora and fauna, even the garden around your house, to the tiny world of insects all are entwined together. If they don’t interact they will decay, dissolve and die.

Therefore, be interdependent. Interact. Develop a sense of compassion. Believe in the relationship, companionship and camaraderie. They are hard to come by. When the promise of a relationship and friendship breaks, there is no noise. What remains is silence. Eerie silence. Unbearable silence pleading for communication that is asking for interdependence. If that is done you will feel special and loved.

It is of prime importance that we try to have mental tranquillity. This peace fullness and understanding of each other’s flaws is very vital between husband and wife because it is a union of two imperfect human beings.



13 Tips To Build Strong Relationship With Your Wife.

One of my friends sent his son to me who sought some advice before his wedding day. When I talked to him I realized he was not aware of the institution of marriage. What I have observed during all these years is boys really do not know many things about this union of two adults and this can cause further issues building a relationship.

Here in India, we find the marriages are mostly arranged ones, a match is found either through an acquaintance or through matrimonial sites. A boy or a girl will register his/her name on a matrimonial site of his/her choice with all the relevant details and seek a match. When both parties are a suitable match, they exchange horoscopes and if they are compatible there are subsequent discussions that take place and finally, after the grand wedding, the girl enters the boy’s house.

The most delicate part starts here as the boy is not aware of the women’s issues nor does he understand the psychology of women. I believe that every man must study women’s issues especially related to menstruation. Before he gets married he must understand the menstrual cycle and the repercussions such as bleeding, pains, cramps, mood changes and the related psychology. It is he who is going to take care of her in the initial years of building a relationship with her because she has entered his house for good and it is not the other way round.

It is his responsibility as a husband to make his wife happy so that they can both lead a good life. Here are some suggestions to make it possible.

Arranged marriage ceremony
Image: Indian Proposal

13 Tips To Build A Strong Marriage With Your New Wife

  1. In the initial days and months, he must make her comfortable and help her get adjusted to the new set-up.
  2. If she is staying with you by herself, help her in small day to day work. Don’t expect her to be on her toes all the time.
  3. Never expect that as a wife she is aware of everything. She is as new as you in this relationship, which is between two adults, not one. So maturity is essential to handle all issues that arise.
  4. She may not be a great cook. She is equally qualified as she spent her time studying and building her career just like you so she couldn’t learn culinary arts. So what? Give her some time. She knows that the way to a husband’s heart is through his stomach.
  5. Be a little romantic. Surprise her with small gifts to celebrate special days or a small ‘thank you’ or ‘love you’ message which will help her to feel special.
  6. You must find time for her. Take her out on weekend to celebrate some quality time together.
  7. Always involve her in important family issues and discuss her opinions.
  8. Don’t be a mama’s boy, no wife will appreciate this idea of a mama’s boy. What if she starts being papa’s girl? So, be mature.
  9. Stop being judgemental. In any arguments between her and your mother or sister, avoid taking sides.
  10. If she has professional aspirations; help her continue.
  11. Remember you are her best buddy and not a typical husband. Let her feel free so she can share her thoughts freely.
  12. Don’t force her into doing something which she doesn’t want to do especially in the area of sex. She is not a sex toy, don’t force her for sex, accept and respect her NO. Understanding the difference between consensual sex and non-consensual sex is important.
  13. Give her some personal space. Marriage is not the end of her previous life, her old friends and her social life. She is individual even after marriage.

The secret of a harmonious, loving and peaceful coexistence is to do SWOT analysis of our own self and other people. Focusing on people’s strengths and merits rather than on their weaknesses and defects is the key to build strong relationships. When we focus on the faults of others, we only draw those negative forces unto ourselves. We are so cultured we do not want to pollute the atmosphere with negative vibrations. Let us do away with ingrained notions of prejudice and biased views. Let us eradicate the judgemental attitude we possess. No one in the world is perfect. A union through marriage, friendships and relationships brings two imperfect human beings together and makes one cohesive figure out of it. Unless we accept that we are imperfect we may lose all the possibilities of making our life blessed and blissed out.

Author: Dr. Satish Bendigiri is a human resource specialist and educator with two decades of corporate experience and management education. Dr. Satish has a doctorate in training and development of employees in general and employees in the automobile sector.


Unspoken Signs of Love.

You may find that in a relationship a man hardly utters the words “I love you” even if a woman wants that assurance from him or she craves to hear these three words. Men do fail to understand women in the romance section and this was very true for a generation before mine. Here is a short story about this issue.

Three Magical Words

The other day there was an argument between my son and his wife. The reason she said it had happened was because he was not spending quality time with her and he was so busy he didn’t even notice her new dress. The last time he had said “I love you” to her was half a decade back, so she complained. And so the exchanging of words continued in a heated manner until it finally settled on a compromise where he had to take her on a long drive, have a lunch in a downtown restaurant and finally conclude with a movie, that Sunday.

I remembered how my grandparents loved each other. My grandparents to which my son could attribute his legacy. Whenever my grandmother was with me, she used to tell stories about how she met my grandfather and how they used to converse with each other. The stories were in a fragmented manner. Like how she never entered his room rather she would doze off in another room, she never looked up into his face and exchanged words once in a while and that too was on rare occasions. But whenever she said all these words, a faint smile lingered on her face and sometimes she would even blush, making her so attractive!

I wondered how this woman could love a man who always frowned; spoke in a low voice that was almost a growl which could frighten anyone. It baffled me, how two people who had been married for 5 decades could still be so much in love with each other. How my grandma could so clearly have this crush on my grandpa, how she could find him the most incredible man in the world when they had shared so many years of up and downs and perhaps so many of their own flaws and differences.

How could an old woman like her light up like that, when speaking of her husband? How could she smile and blush as though she was in her teens when she knew so much about the world and had made so many sacrifices for this person?

And I am sure he had never said “I love you” to her.

I love you message
Image: I love you leaf