One of my friends sent his son to me who sought some advice before his wedding day. When I talked to him I realized he was not aware of the institution of marriage. What I have observed during all these years is boys really do not know many things about this union of two adults and this can cause further issues building a relationship.
Here in India, we find the marriages are mostly arranged ones, a match is found either through an acquaintance or through matrimonial sites. A boy or a girl will register his/her name on a matrimonial site of his/her choice with all the relevant details and seek a match. When both parties are a suitable match, they exchange horoscopes and if they are compatible there are subsequent discussions that take place and finally, after the grand wedding, the girl enters the boy’s house.
The most delicate part starts here as the boy is not aware of the women’s issues nor does he understand the psychology of women. I believe that every man must study women’s issues especially related to menstruation. Before he gets married he must understand the menstrual cycle and the repercussions such as bleeding, pains, cramps, mood changes and the related psychology. It is he who is going to take care of her in the initial years of building a relationship with her because she has entered his house for good and it is not the other way round.
It is his responsibility as a husband to make his wife happy so that they can both lead a good life. Here are some suggestions to make it possible.
13 Tips To Build A Strong Marriage With Your New Wife
- In the initial days and months, he must make her comfortable and help her get adjusted to the new set-up.
- If she is staying with you by herself, help her in small day to day work. Don’t expect her to be on her toes all the time.
- Never expect that as a wife she is aware of everything. She is as new as you in this relationship, which is between two adults, not one. So maturity is essential to handle all issues that arise.
- She may not be a great cook. She is equally qualified as she spent her time studying and building her career just like you so she couldn’t learn culinary arts. So what? Give her some time. She knows that the way to a husband’s heart is through his stomach.
- Be a little romantic. Surprise her with small gifts to celebrate special days or a small ‘thank you’ or ‘love you’ message which will help her to feel special.
- You must find time for her. Take her out on weekend to celebrate some quality time together.
- Always involve her in important family issues and discuss her opinions.
- Don’t be a mama’s boy, no wife will appreciate this idea of a mama’s boy. What if she starts being papa’s girl? So, be mature.
- Stop being judgemental. In any arguments between her and your mother or sister, avoid taking sides.
- If she has professional aspirations; help her continue.
- Remember you are her best buddy and not a typical husband. Let her feel free so she can share her thoughts freely.
- Don’t force her into doing something which she doesn’t want to do especially in the area of sex. She is not a sex toy, don’t force her for sex, accept and respect her NO. Understanding the difference between consensual sex and non-consensual sex is important.
- Give her some personal space. Marriage is not the end of her previous life, her old friends and her social life. She is individual even after marriage.
The secret of a harmonious, loving and peaceful coexistence is to do SWOT analysis of our own self and other people. Focusing on people’s strengths and merits rather than on their weaknesses and defects is the key to build strong relationships. When we focus on the faults of others, we only draw those negative forces unto ourselves. We are so cultured we do not want to pollute the atmosphere with negative vibrations. Let us do away with ingrained notions of prejudice and biased views. Let us eradicate the judgemental attitude we possess. No one in the world is perfect. A union through marriage, friendships and relationships brings two imperfect human beings together and makes one cohesive figure out of it. Unless we accept that we are imperfect we may lose all the possibilities of making our life blessed and blissed out.
Author: Dr. Satish Bendigiri is a human resource specialist and educator with two decades of corporate experience and management education. Dr. Satish has a doctorate in training and development of employees in general and employees in the automobile sector.